Edited to add, I heard back from the organizer who I ended up emailing with my frustrations of this day, she said that she was very sorry that it had happened, and she encouraged me to speak to an organizer if I had problems in future I should speak up at the time, I was greatful for the reply. However like Autumn Whitefield-Madrano I worry that I will get “but I was only talking, I was only saying hello” and I worry that I might get it wrong
“he says I’m just thinking out loud when he is planning to not think” -conversation from yesterday
I have an hour to kill in a bar before I feel like I can safely/legally drive so this is written in a thoughtful mood, please excuse any typos and with the comment above in my mind I think about the last two nights.
Last two nights I went to two events events via twitter, both where geeky social events, one I left within half an hour because I felt uncomfortable, the other I was as it was the last man standing, now chilling in the upper bar.
I complained about the first one to a good friend of mine, he told me to contact the organizers, it was an event for women (well I live as a woman) it was a safe space, you should complain, tell the organizer.
The event for women came with two older guys, the organizer meet them happily although I don’t know if she knew them. I didn’t trust them straight off, I challenged myself I am gender trash why should I a non women, should claim men should not be there, this was not as far as I know a women only or similar space. It wasn’t anything like safe for me, but because I worry that I won’t be believed, that I am making something out of nothing means I haven’t said anything, I just left
Women, and those read as such are taught to ignore -the gift of fear- and as soon as I had talked to one of the guys I knew I was right, I read their body language, their manor I am not sure what, but I got them bang to rights. (is that the right rights?)
I unfortunately ordered duck, a dish I love, that is why I lasted half an hour, I didn’t want to abandon. What followed was some worldclass mansplaining.
The first man asked me what I did, I talked about being a numbers geek and some possible projects. The response was mind bogging, the guy suggested that I did this high level stats project in PHP a clear choice. Because you totally want a web end, web stuff is cool man!
He had a personal space deficiently, he stood way to close to me, the other guy was very similar. They had apparently come to “mentor” young women in tech, a thought which honestly makes me feel sick.
Tonight I spend the evening with a number of men, all significantly older than me, one, a man who was just in the bar and came over to talk, david who asked to be mentioned on the internet was really a lot older that me.
I felt trusted, I was not mainsplained to, no one treated me like a child, my intellect was respected, the blooky, depoliticized (at least as far as gender goes) was the actual safe space.
I don’t have any grand theory, however has been the case so often that I wonder if I am not seeing some pattern