Being fat.

I’m fat, over weight, I like numbers so specifically I am 5’9″ and 87kg which gives me a BMI of 29

A plus sized model sits on a chair wearing a mid thigh coat and stockings

Ok, I put this photo in because I fucking love it, she looks hot and she is the same size as me this women wears the same dress size as I do

I said something about being fat on twitter, and got a DM from a well meaning freind of mine, and it was meant well but it made me want to pull out my head and scream because I have had the same conversation so many times.

but you’re not that fat

But you look good

I went back and forth on writing this post, because I felt like I wasn’t going to say anything really new, and nothing that quite possibly hasn’t been said better before. I am writing this, because I am fucking sick of this conversation, and apparently while other people have said it before, some lovely well meaning people haven’t been fucking listening

I said I was fat, not ugly, not a bad person, not someone who doesn’t exercise. More disappointingly I was talking about discrimination in a health research position, I was afraid that because of my size I would be seen as someone who didn’t really care about health, who wasn’t serious about population health. I wasn’t talking about feeling bad about my size, I do a lot of the time, I have breathed in the same stupid shit about fat being unattractive and unacceptable as everyone else. But I was talking about discrimination, no differently than my fear that because I am read as female, or someone else who is of colour or visibly disabled might fear discrimination. It takes away from the system and makes it personal, rather than getting angry at those who assume being fat means I can’t do my job, it becomes something I need to be supported in feeling ok about myself. I am ok about me, its my possibly boss to be I am worried about.

I wish people would stop trying to telling me I am not fat when then mean I am not a bad person, because for the last time and for the love of Eris just stop.

Stop trying to make me feel better by telling me I am not *Really Fat* because I might be *really fat* some time in the future, because I have friends and lovers who are *really fat*, and I will not fucking be your exception, I will not be the good fat person, any more than I will be the good trans person or the women who isn’t a gold digging bitch. Because whatever your taste in body types being fat is not a bad thing.

Make me feel better about me, not a fucking number on the scale.

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