I am getting to the point where I am ok with my own shallowness.
I went on a date a couple of weeks back, guy seemed nice online but there really wasn’t a lot there in real life, he wasn’t psychically my type, he belitted my thesis* and well, he didn’t dress well. He really didn’t dress well, old faded conference shirt. I felt bad about thinking this, I mean who am to judge, am I any better than men who wont date any women who doesn’t go through hours of prep every day? Am I wronging judging guys who kink on a particular kind of high femme? But I am not talking about hours of prep I am talking about cute tshirt or a button up shirt, something anything that says, hey I am interested in you being interested in me, now logically, I mean he came out to meet me, so one should assume that he is interested, but, but …
I’ve talked to a number of friends about this and got a bunch of different answers.Some claimed that I was supporting false adversiting, that I was setting up to not be able to find people I liked because they will all look good for the first few dates, well I already assume that, perhaps unfairly, so to be frank I wonder what the guy who came to a first date in a worn out conference shirt will look like in 6 months? Others suggested that it is part of being a femme, and that I while it is fine to be interested in how my partners look, I need to understand that not everyone will look like that, and be up front about what I like, and be willing to filter for those who get me hard.
Hat tip to ultra hedonist who got me thinking about this again, a bunch of things she said struck me as true.
But whether women tend to value looks less or only think or report that they do, I think it’s fair to say that many of us feel we aren’t supposed to be superficial. And I think there’s a broader cultural idea that caring ‘too much’ about looks means one is immature and shallow.
Exactly, I remember bitchy jones telling submissive men to try look hot [As a side note when searching for the link I misspelled objerctification and google suggested I change bitchy jones submissive men objectification to bitchy jones submissive men objectification, because one one objectifies men, there is no such thing as the female gaze right**?
It is tied up to gender roles and sexism and crap, it is about women(and those who are passed as women) who are meant to be nurturing and understanding and put there desires behind everyone else and you know what, fuck that noise.
Maybe its unfair but I am ok with saying, if you don’t make me hard, I ain’t going to fuck you, in fact I think I should work on being a damn bit pickier than that***, but it feels like a good place to start. Part of that, which sure is influenced by culture, based of current treads and everything fucking else is looking pretty, and no one I yet meet look there prettiest in a old faded conference shirt.
*do I even have to say not to do this? Really, my thesis was 9 months of pain and suffering, sleepless nights and panic.
**My gender studies course actually discussed this.
***That post pushed though all my protections and got to me, really got to me, and got offsprings, self-esteem stuck in my head for days It was all a bit too close.